Murder Burger Or Bust
Murder, it’s all the rage.

Rahhpz sent a text to a former co-worker—oh yeah, he used to work there—to let him know we would be there shortly. We posed for a couple pictures under the MB sign before finally stepping inside.

There we were met with a standing ovation, confetti canons, and balloon drop, all while a big band played When the Saints Go Marching In, and flash bulbs popped like fireworks on the 4th of July. Bryan shook hands and signed autographs, Scott kissed babies, and their mothers, and I posed for a photo with Miss New Zealand 2006 and Murray, from Flight of the Conchords. The Prime Minister was indisposed at the time so we had to accept the key to the city from some cobber who looked as if he had just enough time to step out of his gummies after milking his girls.

Or, it might have been more like this. We walked in, were introduced to Doug, the manager, and placed our orders. Bryan got the Ostrich Burger, Scott, the Double Beef w/ Wild Boar Bacon, and I had the Gourmet Beef Avo & Bacon. We got a large order of chips to share, and some waters, since they don’t serve beer.  


Don’t get me wrong, a big todo was not what we expected at all. We actually timed it perfectly because there was no wait to order, or trouble finding a seat. Murder Burger, it turns out, is quite a small operation. The menu board hangs over the counter where you place your order, prep takes anywhere from 5—15 minutes, depending on what you get, and they bring it out to you when it’s ready. A streamlined, well-oiled machine if I’ve ever seen one. And there was a consistent stream of people through the doors the entire time we dined. 

Not long after we got settled in, Doug came out to let us know that Tony Moffat, one of the owners, and one that I emailed with over the course of the week, was on his way over. He walked in a few moments later, and I recognized him immediately from a photo I had seen online. A handsome man, I would guess to be in his early forties, he towered above us with outstretched hand eager to welcome the silly Americans that travelled to the other side of the Earth to get his burger. 

Meat, me, and Mr. Murder Burger.

Tony sat with us, and after taking some photos with him, we took turns telling our story of how we ended up at our current places in life. Before I get too far ahead, I have to say my burger was freakin’ awesome. I was torn between the avo bacon burger and the double w/ wild boar bacon that Scott ordered. But no regrets. The burger wasn’t so big it needed to be cut in two to manage, but big enough to need two hands to eat it. I’m not much of a carnivore anymore, but I do love a good burger every now and again. I manage to get to Kuma’s in Chicago once every year, but that’s about it. 

Double Beef w/ Wild Boar Bacon

Ostrich Burger

Kangaroo sausage

Kangaroo for me, not you.


The aftermath of murder.

We finished up with our meals, burger, fries and kangaroo sausages, before heading back to The Longroom to get better acquainted over some beers. Tony was as much interested in what we are up to as a band, as we were about the Murder Burger empire, and how it all came together. He phoned Darryl, another partner and the creative force behind the madness, to see if he was able to meet up with us, but he was on a shoot about an hour north of the city. Although Darryl admits to living in the bush, the “shoot” he was on was NOT a kangaroo hunt, but for a tv commercial. Of course, Tony did say he’s a bit insane, so who knows what kind of cockeyed shit goes on outside the city. ;)

Rahhpz said he had a costume party to attend later. Sure, and I have a date with that Miss NZ I mentioned earlier.

We were corralled into the borrowed hatchback a short time later by Rahhpz to go to the club for soundcheck. We thanked Tony for the beers and hanging with us, then cruised over to the club. Once there we met Dave and Zach, from Ghost Echoes, and found out we would also be staying at their apartment. The soundcheck went great. Another pro set up, and we were also told that the man behind the board was one of the best in town. That was reassuring because a sound man can make or break a set. 

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